Right now, you aren’t finding the joy you would normally find in your relationship. It is beginning to feel tedious, annoying, or maybe just not as fulfilling as before.
You might even feel you are outgrowing your relationship.
You aren’t sure what to look for as signs that you are outgrowing your relationship, all you know is that you aren’t happy and something has to change.
There Are Red Flags In Your Relationship
Suppose there are any red flags in your relationship whether it is any form of abuse from physical, financial, emotional, or verbal abuse. In that case, it is time to walk away from your relationship. Red flags indicate severe unhealthy problems that are not safe and could continue to get worse over time.
Relationships are meant to be built on a foundation of trust and safety. Both sides should be able to trust each other and feel safe around each other for it to be a healthy relationship and worth keeping.
Quality Time Is A Pain In The Relationship
Maybe quality time is hard to schedule or you just don’t have the same interests anymore. Perhaps you are arguing a lot or just not getting along. Regardless, getting in quality time or spending time together is just not working.
When quality time isn’t going well, it can be a sign that you have outgrown this relationship. You may have grown into other things or just not be jiving as well with your person anymore, and that’s okay to have happened. Over time we all grow and change.
You Don’t Have The Same Goals In Your Relationship
Neither person in this relationship has the same goals. Relationships are built off having a shared vision and future, but there doesn’t seem to be one for both of you. Maybe one of you wants to get married and the other doesn’t, or one wants kids and the other doesn’t. One of you might want a house and one might want to travel. Regardless, there’s no future if there aren’t shared goals and a shared vision. That can be a sign of outgrowing the relationship or needing to end it to find someone who does want the same things you want.
You Can’t Be Together Without Arguing Or Silence
When you are together, it is either silence where you can’t find anything to talk to them about and maybe don’t even care for a conversation or it’s arguing. There is no in-between, no happy or good times, just a lot of challenging conversations and not good times. You might wish to just be alone rather than spend time with them.
You Are Embarrassed By Them In Public
Whenever you go out in public with them you find them embarrassing. This could be in front of your family or with your friends, but something about this person just embarrasses you. You don’t want to be seen or associated with them, possibly because of different views, different manners or values, or just who they are. Regardless, staying in a relationship with someone you don’t want to be seen in public just doesn’t work.
If these signs sound like your relationship and things aren’t improving, you may have outgrown this relationship. While that can sound like a bad thing, sometimes that happens in relationships and it is okay. It doesn’t necessarily mean either side is to blame or that you should continue to hold on and fight, it can mean that now is the time to recognize it and move forward.
Part of moving forward with grace is to sit down and have an open conversation with this other person and express your feelings. Express what has been going on lately and that now is the time for change. It may be helpful to rehearse this conversation with a friend before having it with the other person and to decide what you want with this ending, whether it is casual conversations here and there, still following each other on social media or a complete end to the relationship.
You can move forward with grace, you will find another new and more fulfilling relationship, and it is okay to grow up and realize when something doesn’t serve you anymore. Growth isn’t always a linear perfect process, and sometimes people come into your life for seasons.
Therapy can be helpful to work on understanding your relationships, finding a new healthy relationship, or working on past trauma that shows up in your relationships. Therapy can also help you find yourself out of this relationship.
If you are looking for help navigating your twenties, Mary Willoughby Romm is a licensed professional counselor in the state of Virginia who provides online therapy for Willow Tree Healing Center. She enjoys transforming the lives of women, college students, kids, tweens/teens, and families through providing communication strategies, coping skills that work, allowing a safe space to be heard, and actively working towards helping you with your challenges. She is certified in Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (ages 2-7) and Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, counsels substance abuse in teens and adults, and practices Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy.