When Silence Speaks Loudly: Understanding Selective Mutism in Children

Children with anxiety can struggle to speak up in social situations or around others, and may be experiencing selective mutism. Willow Tree Healing Center provides therapy for children with anxiety in Virginia.

As a child anxiety therapist in Virginia, one of the most common concerns I hear from parents is: “My child talks all the time at home—but they won’t speak a single word at school.” If this sounds familiar, your child may be experiencing Selective Mutism—a misunderstood but treatable childhood anxiety disorder.

What Is Selective Mutism?

Selective Mutism (SM) is an anxiety disorder most often diagnosed in early childhood. Children with SM are able to speak freely and comfortably in settings where they feel safe (typically at home), but they are unable to speak in other situations—like at school, daycare, or with unfamiliar people.

It’s not about being defiant or rude. These children want to speak—but anxiety prevents them from doing so.

Learn more about Selective Mutism from the Child Mind Institute.

Common Signs of Selective Mutism

Speaking comfortably at home but not in public settings
Freezing or becoming expressionless when prompted to speak
Relying on gestures or whispering only with certain people
Avoiding eye contact and appearing highly anxious in social settings
Described by teachers as “shy” or “quiet,” but different at home

Why Does Selective Mutism Happen?

Selective Mutism is rooted in social anxiety, and often shows up in children who are naturally cautious or sensitive. It’s not caused by trauma or parenting style—but environmental transitions (like starting school) can play a role in its onset.

Children with SM often struggle with:

A fear of being judged
Perfectionism
Sensory processing sensitivities

If you're unsure whether your child might be experiencing this, consider a consultation with a licensed child anxiety therapist in Virginia. Schedule a session with me at Willow Tree Healing Center.

Treatment for Selective Mutism

The most effective treatment for SM focuses on reducing anxiety and building communication skills gradually. Here are the evidence-based approaches we use:

1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

CBT helps children learn how to manage anxious thoughts and build confidence in social communication. It’s one of the most effective tools in helping children with SM learn to use their voice again. SPACE Therapy can be an excellent treatment for anxiety.

If you are curious about how to know if your anxious child needs therapy, click here. If you are curious on what age your child should start therapy and when to get help, click here.

Learn more about SPACE Therapy

2. Exposure Therapy & Stimulus Fading

This involves starting with familiar, low-pressure settings and people, then slowly introducing new environments where speech is encouraged.

3. School Collaboration

Teachers play a vital role in helping a child feel safe. Working closely with educators to create low-pressure communication opportunities can make a big difference.

For more on professional treatment, check out this resource from The Selective Mutism Association.

How Parents Can Support a Child with Selective Mutism

You don’t have to wait for therapy to start making a difference. Here are a few ways parents and caregivers can help:

Don’t force speech. Pressuring your child to talk can increase anxiety.
Use praise and encouragement for nonverbal communication (nodding, pointing, whispering).
Stay patient. Progress may be slow at first, but it’s still progress.
Create “brave moments.” Help your child take small steps toward speaking in safe environments.

Want more parenting strategies for anxiety? Check out the Willow Tree Healing Center blog for helpful tips and insights.

Ready to Help Your Child Find Their Voice?

If you're looking for a compassionate, down-to-earth child anxiety therapist in Virginia, I’d love to support your family. At Willow Tree Healing Center, we offer online therapy sessions, flexible scheduling, and a warm, judgment-free space to help children work through anxiety at their own pace.

If you're interested in learning more about SPACE therapy or scheduling an appointment, visit my Psychology Today profile to explore online therapy options in Virginia. Helping your child overcome anxiety starts with empowering yourself as a parent.

👉 Book an appointment or reach out for a free consultation.

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If you are looking for family counseling, Mary Willoughby Prentiss is a licensed professional counselor in the state of Virginia who provides online therapy for Willow Tree Healing Center. She enjoys transforming the lives of women, college students, kids, tweens/teens, and families through providing communication strategies, coping skills that work, allowing a safe space to be heard, and actively working towards helping you with your challenges. She is certified in Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (ages 2-7) and Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, counsels substance abuse in teens and adults, and practices Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy.